Tag Archives: relatioships

Snooping Through His Cell

13 Jun

cell

It starts with a genuine curiosity or a slight inclination of dishonesty. The temptation to snoop through your guy’s cell phone is undeniably overwhelming when he leaves for work and forgets it on the kitchen counter or for some brave souls, just the few short minutes he’s on the porcelain throne.

It seems as though every that-asshole-cheated-on-me story starts with, “So, I was going through his _____.” Text messages, e-mail accounts, Facebook pages—none are off limits to a woman on a mission to find dirt on a guy. Then and only then do women give each other the subtle nod of understanding that silently admits I’ve been there. Snooping is this dirty little not-so-secret of ours that we know is morally wrong and totally embarrassing to admit to. However, the behavior is reinforced when we indeed find incriminating evidence justifying the detective work.

But before you go play Secret Agent (insert your name here), consider these reasons why going through your boyfriend’s cell phone is NOT such a good idea after all.

Respect Privacy. Having anyone go through your cell phone is a dreadful thought; it makes you feel naked and exposed. No matter how many years you’ve been together, everyone needs a bit of privacy.

If you feel guilty, it’s wrong. I’m a big believer while you are in a relationship, you shouldn’t do things you wouldn’t do in front of your partner. Going through your guy’s phone involves extensive planning on where to do it, how much time you have until he gets back, backtracking when you’re done to make it look untouched… One word: ANXIETY. If you feel uneasy, sneaky and ironically dishonest snooping, you probably should not be doing it.

jeal

Your perception becomes your reality. Text messages, in particular, are too often misconstrued; those darn winky faces are so vague! While playing detective, you’re already in the mindset that there is something to find so you are bound to take things out of context and think up an elaborate story as to why it is definitely cheating when it can be a truly harmless conversation you did not fully read or understand. After he explains that Samantha, the winky face sender, is his 12-year-old sister, you’ll feel this small *as I squint my eye through the tiny slit between my thumb and index finger*

It weakens your foundation. Trust is a major factor in a healthy, happy relationship. Duh. But while you think going through his phone to make sure you can trust him is the right move, you are setting the tone for the type of relationship you will have with him—untrusting. He will most likely find out, get mad, go through your phone, hide his, etc. Snooping is just the beginning of a serious downward spiral to the demise of your relationship. If you can’t take his word for it, you’ve got some reevaluating–not FBI work– to do.

You will get caught or tell on yourself by confronting him—either way, it’s not cute. No matter how hot you are, getting caught with your man’s iPhone in hand is not a good look. All men and women have insecurities but for some reason, seeing it on your partner is a major turn-off. No one can pull off the psycho girlfriend look very well.

detective

It’s counterproductive to building good communication. This post isn’t encouraging turning a blind eye to valid suspicions, but initiating an open and honest conversation about the issue is a healthier solution. Having a candid discussion with your partner about something that isn’t sitting well with you or even blatantly stating your temptation to go through his phone will be received much better than telling him after you already did it. Surprisingly, a lot of problems in any relationship are caused by lack of communication. Your guy will appreciate your maturity and may even show you his phone willingly.

Honesty is the best policy. After I had been with my current boyfriend for a few months, I felt I had to disclose to him my past experiences with my last ex being dishonest and sneaky. I told him that cheating and lying are my big deal-breakers and all he did was grab a pen and paper. As he was writing, he told me he never wanted me to feel that way while being with him and handed me the password that accesses every account he has. I looked at him in shock, smiled and did the same for him. Since then, neither of us ever feel the need to snoop knowing we’re both an open book. People will sometimes surprise you when you open up and make yourself a bit vulnerable. You might just find out they want the exact same thing.

The truth always comes out. Rest assured knowing cheaters always get caught without you having to waste time trying to catch them yourself.

This topic takes me back to one of my high school teachers, Mrs. Luce, asking the class (and I don’t even remember in what context), “Is ignorance bliss or is knowledge power?” The question stopped me in my tracks being so complex for my then boys-and-cheerleading-focused brain, and searching for the answer to this question still sticks with me today.

I think it’s fair to say I can’t fully commit to either statement. There are occasions when some things are better left unsaid in a relationship and other times when you have a right to be in the know of what’s going on. Unfortunately for our generation, dating in the social media/digital communication era does not come with a handbook. There is no black-and-white formula that works for every couple. So I’ll leave you in saying I believe ignorance is bliss when you are with someone who willingly gives you the power of knowledge.

snooping

photo credit: <a href=”http://www.flickr.com/photos/yggg/2141154996/”>guccio@文房具社</a&gt; via <a href=”http://photopin.com”>photopin</a&gt; <a href=”http://creativecommons.org/licenses/by-nc/2.0/”>cc</a&gt;

photo credit: <a href=”http://www.flickr.com/photos/65492342@N06/5961512696/”>marsmet463</a&gt; via <a href=”http://photopin.com”>photopin</a&gt; <a href=”http://creativecommons.org/licenses/by-nc-sa/2.0/”>cc</a&gt;

photo credit: <a href=”http://www.flickr.com/photos/amanky/2143541036/”>amanky</a&gt; via <a href=”http://photopin.com”>photopin</a&gt; <a href=”http://creativecommons.org/licenses/by-nc-nd/2.0/”>cc</a&gt;

Advertisements

The Bright Side To Being Single

27 Mar

blog_bright

Everyone has that friend who doesn’t know the right thing to say when you’re down and out. My favorite panic-mode sympathy line is, “Well, look on the bright side….” Then, they proceed to tell you a bunch of lame reasons you should be happy in a shitty situation.

Well, this blog post is not going to be that. Sure, it’s a look-on-the-bright-side theme but it’s a list of actually awesome reasons why staying single in Los Angeles really IS something to be celebrated.

I turned to two of my best single girlfriends, Chanel and Rachel, for some input on why being a 20-something single girl is flirty and fabulous!

1. You didn’t settle. Be thankful you’re alone rather than being like your girlfriend who’s miserably with her broke, rude or cheating boyfriend who she can’t seem to break up with.

2. YOU TIME. Your weekends aren’t shared with anyone unless you want them to be. You can pick and choose when you want to be around your friends, go on a date, or just take a bubble bath at home on a Friday night. No obligations.

blog_bath

3. You learn independence. All women, single and taken, need to learn how to fend for themselves.

4. Ladies Night! Being single gives you ample time to spend with the people who understand you the most, your girls. When you have a boyfriend, it’s inevitable to disappear a little in your little cloud of love. As a taken woman, my occasional girls’ nights are such a breath of fresh air. I love my relationship but there’s nothing like a little girl talk over a glass of wine.

5. You don’t have to shave your legs if you don’t feel like it (the best reason, in my opinion—by Rachel).

6. You save money. Having a boyfriend can get expensive on birthdays, anniversaries and holidays. Being single has you spending only on family, SOME friends, but mostly yourself.

blog_money

7. Guilt-free flirting. There’s something about not having anyone to report to. You can go out, talk to as many guys as your little heart desires and give out your number as many times as you want.

8. Nobody is judging you. I’d be lying to say I do whatever I want when I want while being in a relationship. My boyfriend gives me the evil eye when my weekly online shopping packages arrive. Whenever he comes around while I’m browsing the Hautelook iPhone app, I quickly press the button to the homepage and pretend I’m just checking my e-mails. This doesn’t happen when you’re single.

9.  You don’t have a mother-in-law.

10. You can do weird things with no one looking. Come on, girls, we all have strange rituals we like to keep to ourselves.  I purposely watch reruns of Full House while my boyfriend is at work. Shhh! #dontjudgeme

11. Your decision to go to a wild weekend in Vegas with the girls doesn’t start with, “Babe… I was wondering… if maybe… I could possibly…”

12. Giving your heart a break. The ups and down of romance are sometimes just too much to endure. Flying solo= no fights, no bickering, no heartbreak.

13. No one is counting your cocktails. During a night on the town you don’t have the constant whisper, “Is that your third Cosmo?”  You’re single and you’ll get shitfaced if you want to!

blog_drinks

14. It’s more fun to laugh at couples’ dramatic Facebook posts or Tweets when they’re fighting if you’re single. Oh, who am I kidding? It’s pretty entertaining regardless!

15. Finally, the most important upside to being single is learning to love yourself. I’m a firm believer that you can’t fully love someone until you truly love yourself; who you are, what you stand for, what you love to do and how you treat others. Self-love is something no man can ever fulfill.

So, while you wait for your knight in shining BMW, learn to appreciate all that single life has to offer. It’s pretty fun and fabulous!

photo credit: <a href=”http://www.flickr.com/photos/66126733@N04/6388029897/”>Rising Damp</a> via <a href=”http://photopin.com”>photopin</a&gt; <a href=”http://creativecommons.org/licenses/by/2.0/”>cc</a&gt;

photo credit: <a href=”http://www.flickr.com/photos/thelotuscarroll/5604394083/”>Lotus Carroll</a> via <a href=”http://photopin.com”>photopin</a&gt; <a href=”http://creativecommons.org/licenses/by-nc-sa/2.0/”>cc</a&gt;

photo credit: <a href=”http://www.flickr.com/photos/jonathanschertzer/6884422115/”>Carsten Schertzer</a> via <a href=”http://photopin.com”>photopin</a&gt; <a href=”http://creativecommons.org/licenses/by/2.0/”>cc</a&gt;

photo credit: <a href=”http://www.flickr.com/photos/feastguru_kirti/2571928895/”>Kirti Poddar</a> via <a href=”http://photopin.com”>photopin</a&gt; <a href=”http://creativecommons.org/licenses/by-sa/2.0/”>cc</a&gt;

Recession-Proof Romance

5 Jan

blog_bank

In addition to being known as “home of the Mr. Wrongs”, Los Angeles is also known to hold the largest population of struggling actor/singer/model hopefuls who attend Hollywood auditions by day and wait tables in Downtown by night.  These gorgeous guys are just a call-back away from big screen stardom but until then—they’re broke. I mean, PB&J-and-pasta-every-day broke, along with many others in this terrible economy…. BUT let’s face it, ladies, a Bradley Cooper look-a-like who can’t afford to wine and dine you is just too hard to pass up sometimes!

So, even if you’re dating a guy who is ballin’ on a budget, that doesn’t mean you have to miss out on all the fun! Here are some recession-proof tips to keeping the sexy spark alive if you’ve got Dom Perignon taste on a Pabst Blue Ribbon budget:

  • Groupon & LivingSocial are your friends. Take advantage of these incredible half-off deals to get your grub on at your favorite restaurants without breaking the bank. Subscribe to their daily e-mails and receive offers at popular hangouts near you.
  • Say hello to your other little friends, Redbox & Netflix! Why in the world does it cost an arm and a leg to go to the theaters nowadays?! I really miss heading out to Blockbuster on a Friday night to cruise their New Releases wall, but times are a changin’ and the next best thing is one-day rentals. Redbox machines are conveniently located in front of grocery stores and convenient stores everywhere and cost a little more than a buck to rent. Really?? What does $1 even get you these days?? Nothing! Netflix may even be more convenient since you get your DVDs mailed directly to your house and just send it back in your mailbox—probably the better option if you rely on your 2-foot-mobile.
  • Star in your own Food Network TV show! Featuring your fabulous self and your not-so-fabulously broke boyfriend! Cooking with your partner is an underrated labor of love that is much cheaper than dining out. Fixing a meal together can be fun, flirty and intimate; from showing off your cute little apron to shopping for the ingredients at a local Farmer’s Market. Then, enjoy every savory bite at your candlelit dining table with the smooth sounds of Norah Jones playing in the background. An ultra classy touch to top off the night? Sip on a Two Buck Chuck bottle of wine from Trader Joe’s. *My favorite cooking show for inspiration: Nadia G.’s Bitchin’ Kitchen on the Cooking Channel—so freakin’ awesome!*
  • A couple that sweats together stays together. Now, get your mind out of the gutter! There are many more ways to break a sweat than an afternoon romp in the bedroom. Getting out in nature and exercising together is a great way to bond and not spend a dime doing it! My favorite trails are Eaton Canyon in Pasadena or Runyon Canyon in Hollywood.

bog_broken

WARNING: This does not mean you should stay with a deadbeat. The inspirational paragraph below pertains to staying with guys who have ambition but have hit a roadblock in their careers—not the waiter who spends his afternoons playing video games wearing those nerdy headsets.

The moral of the story is to make the most of your situation. Of course it’s not ideal to budget your money—responsibility is boring! Although, the reality is that many men and women are not able to find work in this unstable job market and cutting corners on date nights can become a necessity. During this difficult time, your partner needs your support in saving money and the best way to do so is to make light of your circumstances and think of creative ways to work around it! The last thing a man needs when going through financial hardship is a nagging partner reminding him how disappointed she is that she can’t go out as much as she’d like. If you truly love someone, you stand by their side through richer or poorer. Plus, it’s 2013, girlfriend! If you want to go out that badly, make your own $$$ and take him out for a change!

I’ve always loved the saying, “if you can’t love someone at their worst, you don’t deserve them at their best.” 

blog_couple

photo credit: <a href=”http://www.flickr.com/photos/kenwilcox/2308403045/”>Ken Wilcox.</a> via <a href=”http://photopin.com”>photopin</a&gt; <a href=”http://creativecommons.org/licenses/by-nd/2.0/”>cc</a&gt;

photo credit: <a href=”http://www.flickr.com/photos/68751915@N05/6793829413/”>401(K) 2013</a> via <a href=”http://photopin.com”>photopin</a&gt; <a href=”http://creativecommons.org/licenses/by-sa/2.0/”>cc</a&gt;

photo credit: <a href=”http://www.flickr.com/photos/cambiodefractal/3544964961/”>cambiodefractal</a&gt; via <a href=”http://photopin.com”>photopin</a&gt; <a href=”http://creativecommons.org/licenses/by-nc/2.0/”>cc</a&gt;