As difficult as it is to find a decent man in Los Angeles, there are many things you can avoid doing in order to dodge the Mr. Wrongs. After years of failed relationships with some of this city’s most eligible bachelors I got to thinking… maybe I’m the problem. I mean, of course, it’s not my fault a lot of L.A. guys are self-absorbed jerks with commitment phobia but there must be SOMETHING I could be doing differently to get different results.
So here are several mistakes I was making that stood in my way of finding a good guy and I think most of you single girls will be able to relate.
1. You have impossible expectations. Mr. Right doesn’t mean Mr. Perfect. Mr. Perfect falls under the same category as Santa Claus and the Tooth Fairy— they’re all mythical creatures we wish our parents told us the truth about before the age of 7.
2. You keep dating the same guy– literally. Stop dating your ex-boyfriends. I understand that some break-ups were of special circumstances where “the timing was off” and “it’s more serious this time” but most relationships end for good reason. From my experiences, jumping back into the arms of my exes turned out to be a vicious cycle of breaking up to make up to break up again. Break-ups suck the first time around! Why do it all over again?
3. You keep dating the same guy– figuratively. They say the definition of insanity is repeating the same steps and expecting a different result. Steer clear of guys who are exactly like your past boyfriends. History can and will repeat itself. For example, if you have a long history of dating married men who never leave their wives for you, stop being a home-wrecker! Or if you continuously date womanizing musicians who never fully commit, stop being a groupie. Get where I’m going with this?
4. You’re looking in all the wrong places. Don’t expect to find the man of your dreams up in the club makin’ it rain. Not to say good guys don’t get their party on but most young men who are still in the nightclub mindset on the weekends usually don’t have “serious girlfriends” on their priorities list.
5. You settle for Mr. Right Now. I found myself occasionally dating guys I knew I couldn’t see myself with in the long run but figured it could just be a fun fling. This mentality is perfectly fine if fun is what you are seeking but for the women ready for something real… remind yourself you aren’t just in it for FUN. If you think a healthy relationship is simply being able to smile through the good times, you are mistaken.
6. You ignore all the red flags. A couple months into a relationship you can more or less tell if your guy’s got some serious deal-breakers in his character! Listen to that gut feeling.
7. You’re guarded. I have a love/hate relationship with the saying “love like you’ve ever been hurt.” How can we just forget about all the awful break-ups we’ve been through? But more importantly, how can we ever have a healthy relationship holding on to that pain? Even though it is much easier said than done, letting go of your past and forgiving the guys that have wronged you is not only beneficial for a new relationship but it is so good for your mental health. Don’t assume all men are the same. The right guy will prove to you that letting down the proverbial walls you’ve built is the best thing you can do for yourself.
8. You’ve given up hope. It’s understandable to just stop caring about finding a great guy because as far as you know, there are none in Los Angeles. I’m here to tell you there are really incredible men out there that are just hard to find. Remember that nothing in life worth having comes easily and you’ll appreciate Mr. Right that much more when he does come along—but you gotta have faith!
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photo crphoto credit: <a href=”http://www.flickr.com/photos/deeplifequotes/6940186162/”>deeplifequotes</a> via <a href=”http://photopin.com”>photopin</a> <a href=”http://creativecommons.org/licenses/by-nc-sa/2.0/”>cc</a>edit: <a href=”http://www.flickr.com/photos/deeplifequotes/7086261365/”>deeplifequotes</a> via <a href=”http://photopin.com”>photopin</a> <a href=”http://creativecommons.org/licenses/by-nc-sa/2.0/”>cc</a>
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