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5 Signs Of a Bad First Date

25 Nov

One thing many women struggle with while on a first date is being able to tell if the date is going well. We obviously can’t read our date’s mind (although that would be awesome) so we are forced to draw our own conclusions based on some subtle hints. It’s especially important to pick up on the not-so-subtle giveaways that the date is heading downhill. These five red flags are indicators that your date is either an a**hole, he doesn’t believe in chivalry or he’s not really into you—regardless, don’t plan for a second date.

1. Shallow Hal

If your date only shows interest in bragging about himself— HIS job, HIS car, HIS hobbies, HIS penis (just kidding) then he’s a jerk. If your date does not show any interest in getting to know you—he’s a jerk. Need I say more? Yes? Okay. So if a guy really digs you, he wants to size you up. Guys love getting to know more about women for the same reason we want to know more about them—they want to make sure you’re fun enough, interesting enough, smart enough, and nice enough to visualize being in a relationship with you. So if your date is totally disinterested in your life and what you do, it’s most likely because he isn’t feeling a connection to you or only wants to sleep with you so he could care less about your favorite Saturday morning yoga class.

2.  The Case of the Ex

Talking about past relationships is inevitable during a first date. Both parties want to know when your last relationship was, how long it lasted, and why it ended. Standard first date material. However, some unusual behavior and definitely a red flag is if a guy continuously brings up his ex-girlfriend… especially if you didn’t ask. Example: “You should get a Grey Goose Cosmopolitan. My ex, Ashley, drank those all the time.” This could be a sign that he’s not over the relationship or he has word vomit—either way, it’s weird.

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3. No Future Plans

If your date doesn’t mention any plans to see you again or ask when your second date will be, it’s not a good sign. This isn’t the end-all of the relationship but if a guy likes you, he’ll usually casually mention some fun activity or great new restaurant you guys should try the next time you see each other.

photo credit: pnoeric via photopin cc

4. Cheap Skate

Ladies, I don’t know how many times I’ll have to say this: YOU ARE NOT SUPPOSED TO BE PAYING ON YOUR FIRST DATE. I do not care what anyone says to defend the opposite, they’re wrong. A guy that lets you pay on a first date is a loser. Whether he can’t afford it or if he’s just socially incompetent, there’s just no excuse. I know I’ll get some heat for saying this but I stand by the fact that men should properly court a woman by paying for her with no hesitation on a FIRST DATE. It’s not for me to say who should pay on a regular basis after that, although girls who always pay for guys on dates are a phenomenon I’ll never understand, but men treating women on their first outing together is a principle of basic chivalry. If a guy does not pay the bill or has you “go dutch” with him and pay your half, he’s not only not into you but he’s a jerk! Now this doesn’t mean a girl should pick BOA Steakhouse and order a $75 Filet Mignon; be reasonable, girls! But if you’re reading this and thinking how shallow, you are in denial. Every girl, and I mean every single girl, wants to be treated to a nice first date. The girls who have paid for you before were settling and probably turned around and told their girlfriends how lame the date ended.

5. Shortcut

If your date is trying to cut the night short by rushing dinner or declining your offer to come in for a drink (which I don’t recommend doing), this COULD BE a sign he’s not feelin’ it. Yes, he could have work at 7am tomorrow but what guy do you know would turn down an opportunity to get a little cozy with you after dinner? My boyfriend wondered why I was rushing off after our first dinner and asked if I wanted to come to his house to “chit-chat” over a drink or two. Are you kidding me?! Everything about that sentence screamed SEX! Guys want sex. They love sex. They don’t care about a 3-date rule… heck, they don’t believe in a 3-hour rule! So, if your date wants nothing to do with a cocktail-filled you, let’s just say it’s not good.

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The Kiss of Death

20 Oct

 

Okay, so the title is a little dramatic but I thought this would be a great topic many single girls need to hear. As women, most of us are expressive, emotional and honest. Being open with our feelings is one of the great benefits we have over guys! BUT in the early stages of dating someone, these too-soon-taboos can definitely be major turn-offs to men. I know it sounds juvenile, but dating IS A GAME; at least in the beginning anyways. My best friend always tells me, “Joyce, I don’t feel like playing games… he should just like me for me.” And I agree! But no one’s saying, “don’t be yourself”. Just act with a bit of discretion. Too much too soon can turn anyone off, the good guys and the douchebags.

 
 
A few examples of WHAT NOT TO DO on a first date or you can kiss that relationship goodbye…
 
 
 
MEET MY FAMILY: I was just texting my good friend, Brandon (29-year-old handsome bachelor), asking how his date went last week.  His date, Jocelyn, is this energetic, friendly Britney Spears pre-crazy look-a-like that I met at the bar I work at. I set them up thinking it would be a match made in Heaven… and it was, until she dropped a few bombs. Not only did Jocelyn mention she really wants a boyfriend, but she also asked Brandon if he wanted to be her date to her sister’s wedding coming up… ON THEIR FIRST DATE! Most guys will instantly be scared off and see red flags if you ask them this on the first date. Us girls would think it’s “so cute” and immediately start mentally planning an outfit if a gorgeous guy asked us on a first date to be his “plus one” at a family function. Guys, on the other hand, freak out about having to meet mom and dad too soon and do not like being forced to think about a serious future with you before getting a chance to have some fun. Let his introduction to the family happen organically. You’ll know when it’s right. If you’re worrying what his response will be and if it might scare him off, it’s probably too early.
 

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T.M.I.: Too much information!!! Steer away from heavy subjects like views on marriage, children, politics and religion while on a first date. Sure, you eventually have to touch on these sensitive subjects to make sure you’re both on the same page and share the same values. But keep it light-hearted and to a minimum. There’s nothing that will have you feeling a foot-in-your-mouth moment more like telling someone you think their religious practices are so f’ing boring… oh wait, someone actually told me that!
 
 
 
SEX BEFORE MONOGAMY: As the love guru, Patti Stanger from Bravo’s Millionaire Matchmaker says, “no sex before monogamy” and I couldn’t agree more. Now, I know many of you are up and arms ready to tell me about how your brother’s girlfriend’s sister slept with her boyfriend on the first date and now they’re married with two kids and another on the way. Good for her; except she’s the very rare exception. My former Hooters co-worker, Melissa, called me before a first date with Mr. Perfect On Paper (CEO, a perfect dog, and a beautiful Christian-Grey-type loft) and we both jokingly rehearsed her mantra for the night ,“no-skin-to-skin!” That didn’t last too long. Needless to say, she showed up at my apartment a few nights later crying that he hadn’t called…. And he never did. Now don’t be a hater and say, “Well she worked at Hooters!” You’d be surprised how many of them met their husbands while serving them wings and beer. Point is, no matter how hot you are… Hooters girl or not (though there ARE some janky looking Hooters girls, can I get an Amen?)… being easy is not a good look.
 
— KEEP YOUR CLOTHES ON! Make them work for it. If you’re still being introduced as “my friend____”, you should probably keep your panties on.
 
— DO NOT, I repeat, do not have a first/second/third date at his house. Couches + booze + mood lighting= sexy time.
 
— Have a rule. NOT the 3-date rule, hoochie… more like a 3-month rule. I always live by ‘no sex before monogamy’. Keeping a promise to yourself is key. If you break it, you’re only hurting you.
 
 
 
Don’t be this guy…
 
If you’re reading this and thinking, What a double standard! Guys do it all the time and aren’t judged, then feel free to whore it up! Just remember, Mr. Right could be right under your nose.. no really, like he’s laying underneath you and thinking  how easy that was. After all, this blog isn’t for ALL girls… especially not the ones who are newly single, maybe a little bitter and “just want to go out and have fun”. It’s for the ones ready for something and someone real, like I was for so long. So when you’re waiting by the phone wondering why he’s not falling all over himself to call you, just think… you probably shouldn’t have had those last 3 Vodka Sodas and should have kept your Victoria’s Secret a secret!
 
 
I’d love to hear what YOU all think is another form of a “kiss of death”!