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Tick Tock

3 Nov

That’s the sound of my biological clock ticking…

photo credit: Βethan via photopin cc

Just kidding! Well, kinda. I know everyone is ready to tell me to shut up! I know, I know… I’m barely turning 24 this month but I oddly feel a little pressure to start putting my big girl pants on and begin to take some serious steps towards my future; my career, marriage and KIDS…. kids?! Yiiiiikes.

Well, career is a given! If you’re approaching mid-twenties and not motivated to work on achieving your career goals, then you’ve got bigger problems than I know how to answer. Refer to my 2nd blog post. I’m a strong believer in women staying educated and independent (yeah, you heard me, Mitt Romney). I definitely don’t mind the career pressure, in fact, it excites me! I got the most awesome news this weekend when I received an acceptance letter to nursing school! Ahhhhhh! I had one school in mind as my top choice, the one I “knew” I would never get accepted into… and sure enough, they were “pleased to inform me of my acceptance”. I know health science is my passion and nursing is my calling. I couldn’t be happier that a prestigous institution believes that I’m the right fit for the job! Never give up, girls. It took me what seems to be forever to find what I love, but it will come to you. And as the saying goes, if you work hard for it you shall achieve it.

photo credit: Millzero Photography via photopin cc

Now, let’s talk wedding bells. Everywhere on Facebook I’m bombarded with my friends getting engaged and photo albums from their beautiful weddings; which I love seeing, don’t get me wrong! I’m such an emotional woman and I always tear up out of complete happiness for my girlfriends. Deciding you want to spend the rest of your life with a completely amazing person is absolutely beautiful. I trip out on the fact that some people aren’t fortunate enough to experience that in their entire lives. Simply beautiful. But I wonder if it’s weird that I’m not thinking about marriage just yet…

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I’m such a worry wart. I constantly worry about what’s coming next and I panic that I’m not close to getting married because that means I’m not close to being a mom…. fast forward to me being the oldest un-sexy mom at PTA meetings. My boyfriend, Nathan, and I discuss the marriage topic quite often. It’s kinda crazy how we discuss our future wedding’s details (string quartet for the cermony, an a capella group for cocktail hour, and a big band for the reception…. no big deal! haha!) as if it’s just another average conversation. Well, I really just throw out my ideas and he just says, “whatever you want, baby”. His mom taught him well, clearly. Happy wife= happy life. I will say though, that I love it. We both talk about it as if we’re both 100% sure that we’re with the person we’re going to marry. Sure, I am confident that I’m with Mr. Right and I have every wedding detail decided, down to the napkin holders and centerpieces BUT I’m really not in a rush to walk down the aisle right now. 

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This isn’t because I’m afraid of the commitment or being “tied down”, which by the way, I hate when people in relationships use that excuse to stall marriage– your girlfriend/fiance should already tie your ass down! Anyways, I’m more worried about finishing school first and starting my career. I’m going to say this but I really want to preface with saying: I’m so not judging stay-at-home wives or moms; you all are severely underappreciated and I know how much you do even if you’re not on payroll. Although, a PERSONAL big fear of mine is not having a great career or having my own money. I want to make my own money, which I do now but I’m talking BIG money… registered nursing money! This isn’t to sayI couldn’t do all this while being married but I know myself and once I’m a wife I’ll want to just bake cupcakes for my husband and start working on babies; not study for a midterm! Maybe I need to just have more balance in my life. Not be at one extreme or the other. There’s gotta be a happy medium between excellent student and dedicated wife. I know a lot of my girlfriends are so great at doing both! Luckily, Nathan is not pressuring me for anything more than I’m ready for. Although at the rate that I fall more in love with him every day, I’ll probably want it sooner than later!

Here’s a photo my boyfriend took of me joking around with a Baby Bjorn at our yard sale. I freaked out when he showed me because it was like a look into my future; no make-up, sweatpants, and disheveled with baby in tow.

Kids are what scare me the most. My best friend, Jenny, is the most incredible mom to handsome little Jayden but she was rather young having him at 20 years old. I remember when she came over my house to tell me the big news and we both cried; tears of happiness and worry! I know her love for her son and I know for a fact she would never do anything differently if it meant Jayden would be anything but the special guy he is today. However, she often tells me to wait to have children. And I agree! I commend her for jumping into action unlike many young mothers and she really is a better woman than I am because I’m just way too selfish right now to be a mom. I think I’m a kickass mom to my dog but let’s be real, I can leave the little guy for hours at a time… totally different!

This is my bestie’s son. The little man who stole our hearts 4 years ago, Jayden Kalvin!

But I often worry that I’m too selfish. Like I’m putting all of life’s special gifts on pause while I get my shit together… Well, it is what it is. I figure I’m 24 and if there’s a “good” time to put me first I think it’s now. I’ve fantasized about my future husband and children my whole life. I know when the time comes, I’m going to be so committed to my family. But until then, I’m enjoying a little “me time”.