Archive | February, 2013

The Secret to Great Sex

26 Feb

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Isn’t this the question everyone really wants answered? There are so many factors that contribute to a great sexcapade (sexual escapade); the right guy, position, lighting, mood, etc. I find most of those things pretty easy to adjust—maybe not always finding the right romp partner but everything else is easily manipulated. The one secret to great sex that seems to be the hardest to achieve is…

FEELING SEXY IN YOUR SKIN!

Feeling good naked is what every woman wants but it’s nearly impossible to be completely satisfied with our bodies. Can you blame us?! We spend hours on end staring at the nipped-and-tucked Real Housewives of Orange County and Carl’s Jr. commercials that even have us girls checking out other girls! The reality is ALL women have imperfections and insecurities. Some of us just aren’t married to plastic surgeons who can suck us down after having babies and don’t have glam squads following us around everywhere we go—and that’s okay!

My definition of sexy isn’t overly skinny, collar bones protruding, wrinkle-free, stretch mark-free aliens. Our “beauty marks” are what makes us who we are. Moms need to be proud of their stretch marks because not every woman is blessed with the ability to bear children and I BET your husband doesn’t mind them one bit! Girls without rock-hard abs need to get over the constant tummy hiding because guess what? GUYS LIKE A LITTLE MEAT ON YOUR BONES. And no, I’m not just blowing sunshine up your a**, they really do!

If you’re still not convinced and still obsess over your body, then DO SOMETHING ABOUT IT. There’s nothing that bugs me more than Debbie Downers. Stop feeling sorry for yourself or thinking your body just isn’t able to lose that kind of weight. Want to know the real secret to losing weight? NO JUICE FAST. NO POWDER SHAKES. NO WATER/LEMON/CAYENNE CRAP—just eat clean and exercise more! Notice I did not say eat less. Even if you eat less junk, it’s still junk. Stop torturing yourselves trying to find the fastest crash diet that worked for your friend’s friend. There’s no easy way out. It takes hours at the gym, pushing yourself, and saying no to temptations.

Instead of reaching for that bagel & cream cheese, munch on my favorite breakfast: granola mix with diced apples and non-fat milk. Filling morning fuel.

Instead of reaching for that bagel & cream cheese, munch on my favorite breakfast: granola mix with diced apples and non-fat milk. Filling morning fuel.

I do not consider myself overweight whatsoever even though I have dramatic moments where I stupidly say out loud, “I feel so fat.” I realize most people want to slap me when I say that because no one likes to hear that from a “skinny” girl. Although, there really are times I feel disgusting and bloated. Contrary to what most people think, I’m not “naturally thin”. I actually effing hate when people say that because I truly have to put in effort to not let myself go. There have been times (my senior year in high school-ugh!) where I ate horribly, stopped exercising and looked and felt like crap. So I made a lifestyle change for myself—not for anyone else.

My new obsession is juicing! Great post-workout treat or even a dinner replacement if I cheated and had an enormous lunch. Follow "Juicing Vegetables" on Facebook. They have the best belly busting recipes.

My new obsession is juicing! Great post-workout treat or even a dinner replacement if I cheated and had an enormous lunch. Follow “Juicing Vegetables” on Facebook. They have the best belly busting recipes.

I made the decision to stop making excuses. I wanted to put on any outfit and feel great—no muffin top after zipping up or hiding my arms. I needed to be able to strip down, stare at myself and love what I saw. Since then, I eat relatively clean and exercise regularly. Remember that looking good on the outside starts with what you’re putting inside your bodies. If you have to hire a personal fitness trainer, then do it. You owe it to yourself and your happiness. For a cheaper alternative, reach out to a friend who you know is a gym rat and consciously eats well. I’ve said it in previous posts that you are who your friends are. If you’re constantly around people who make poor eating and exercising choices, you will, too! And hey, one of the BEST places to meet young, fit, active men is the gym!

An easy, nutritious dinner that's a hit in our house: asparagus & cheese stuffed chicken and loads of broccoli on the side. Yes, brussels and broccoli can be delicious when prepared right!

An easy, nutritious dinner that’s a hit in our house: asparagus & cheese stuffed chicken and loads of broccoli on the side. Yes, brussels and broccoli can be delicious when prepared right!

My girlfriends and I make it a girls night at “booty camp” classes at our gym so we’re able to hold each other accountable if we don’t show up. My boyfriend and I make it a part of our almost-daily routine to go to the gym together after work. Don’t give yourself the option of not going, just do it as if it’s an errand you have to run every day!

So, in comes the sex aspect. Feeling sexy in your skin means you’ll start to feel free to be a tiger in the bedroom. You won’t feel the need to object to an awkward position your guy is putting you in thinking “that can’t be a good angle for me”. Guys really get the strangest ideas and I’m almost positive it’s because they’ve seen it done in a porno (besides the point) but if you know you look good from all angles—so what! Be adventurous knowing you look good no matter what. No sucking in necessary. There’s nothing more attractive in a women than confidence– especially in the bedroom. There’s a reason the saying goes, “I want a lady in the streets but a freak in the sheets.”

If you feel sexy, you won’t care that your man likes to get his freak on in the middle of the day or just has a weird preference with doing it with the lights on. Take care of your body and you won’t have to only hear about naughty romps in “Fifty Shades of Grey”, you’ll be the star in your own erotic novel.

Tying this subject into having great sex was my attempt in getting your attention, girls. The real take-home message is to just start loving yourselves. We are our own worst critics and not only are our sex lives being affected, but also our self-love. So get healthy and start living—in the bedroom and out!

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Heart Day Hangover: For The Single & Taken Girls

17 Feb

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Valentine’s Day can mean different things to different people. You either love it or hate it, and chances are these feelings are directly proportionate to your positive or negative perception– and NOT your current relationship status, as most would assume.

I am so excited to introduce to you loyal readers someone I consider a dear friend and fellow blogger, Rachel! Words can’t express how positive, confident and resilient she is. Her weekly happy mantras on her health & fitness blog, http://www.TheLoveFitLife.com, keep me going when I’m having a downer of a day. I know you’ll enjoy her healthy eating and workout tips just as much as her SINGLE GIRL perspective on Valentine’s Day.

This week’s post gives you the best of both worlds of being single or taken during this high-pressure, love-obsessed holiday. We hope you can relate to one of us and just know you’re not alone. After all, that is what my blog’s ultimate goal is. Us women need a place to laugh, cry, or simply feel relief that we’re not the only ones going through this roller coaster world of dating in L.A.

So, without further ado, The Heart Day Hangover…..

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JOYCE (the happily taken):

Valentine’s Day is the typical Hallmark holiday that becomes solely about gift-giving and wallet-emptying. But what is the real meaning? Love– all different types of love.

It’s technically a celebration of the early Christian Saint Valentinus who continued to perform weddings even after marriage was forbidden under the Roman Empire. Due to this story and what society has blown it up to be, most people view this day exclusively for romantic couples. However, I see Valentine’s Day as an opportunity to remind all the people you hold close to your heart that they are loved. Sure, I hear the bitter remark, “you should show your boyfriend you love him everyday”—and I do! I show him, my friends and my family that I love them all the time but who can really get enough love affirmations? Does anyone ever get tired of hearing how loved they are?

My boyfriend, Nathan, and I have lived together for several months now and things couldn’t be better. We’re one of those couples that are still in anticipation of the other coming home. I look forward to waking up to him every morning, writing love notes in his lunch bag almost every day, and feeling safe as he is the last thing I see before I fall asleep every night. I know, we’re one of those couples that make people nauseous. Although, as you’ve read in my previous posts… I wasn’t always this lucky. I’ve had to kiss one too many toads to find my prince. So Valentine’s Day is a fine day to tell him how grateful I am to have him but also to remind myself of the journey it took to find him. The importance of pausing from my busy life to do something out-of-the-ordinary for someone who has touched my life the way Nate has is essential and something he very much deserves.

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We so often take for granted when special people come into our lives. After months and years of seeing the same face and getting into a routine, it’s difficult to realize that everything is temporary in this lifetime. It’s also even more amazing to think some people go their entire lives not finding true love. Therefore, it is important that in this precious life, we are reminded not only on this holiday but every day that you can’t say those three little words enough. So, whether it be a sweet note on the bathroom mirror, a bouquet of long-stem roses or putting on extremely uncomfortable lingerie that gives you a constant wedgie (I mean, I’m not speaking from personal experience, of course…hehe), do what you can to make your special someone’s heart skip a beat.

Furthermore, Valentine’s Day wasn’t only a special day for Nathan and I but it was also a fun-filled day for my family and friends. I put together a surprise lunch at my house for my family and my puppy while the boyfriend was at work, I sent out cards to my girlfriends and their kids, then Nate and I went on a dinner date to Ink Restaurant on Melrose Ave. with two of our closest friends and even met the owner/chef Michael Voltaggio (as seen on the reality TV show, Top Chef).

Valentine' Day isn't just romantic love. Here's a peek of a surprise luncheon I put together for my family at my house

Valentine’s Day isn’t just about romantic love. Here’s a peek of a surprise luncheon I put together for my family at my house.

Dining at Ink Restaurant in Los Angeles

Dining at Ink Restaurant in Los Angeles

Chef Michael Voltaggio of Ink Restaurant in Los Angeles

Chef Michael Voltaggio of Ink Restaurant in Los Angeles

Post-dinner shot outside of Ink Restaurant in Los Angeles

Post-dinner shot outside of Ink Restaurant in Los Angeles

Whether you’re taken or single, V-Day can simply be an excuse to get out of your daily routine to stop and tell people, “I love you and I appreciate all you do.” Think outside the box—a father is really the main man in a girl’s life, a mentor is someone who would love to be thanked, a co-worker who is stressed out might really need to read in a cheesy card that they are special. Make Valentine’s Day a day of uplifting the people you love most—taken or not.

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RACHEL (the blissfully single):

I find it so fascinating that Valentine’s Day is such a heated subject. It’s one of those abstract days, probably created by some marketing genius that takes over the town and consumes everyone in its path. Even the people doing nothing special on Valentine’s Day will make sure others know that Valentine’s Day is no big deal and it’s just another day. My favorite example of this phenomenon this year was, of course, my ex boyfriend (how fitting) and longtime friend (yes, we’re really still friends) Thomas Teasley’s Facebook check-in at L.A. Fitness that read “Everybody is like it’s valentines day. I’m like it’s arms and cardio day.” Literally laughed out loud…. Thank you, Tommy and proud of you for getting fit when most were going the fat route 🙂

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Every year when this stressful week approaches and the infamous day arrives, there seems to be a general consensus that women love it, men hate it, people in relationships must celebrate it and the singles hate life and are jealous of it. Fuck that consensus.

I’m a woman and until last year, I hated it…
I was in a long term relationship and didn’t really celebrate it…
I’m single now, loving life and enjoying Valentine’s Day more than I ever have before!

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So, here we are. My 2nd Valentine’s Day single has been successfully completed and I’ve decided it’s my preference…. for the time being at least. Last year, for my 1st single V-Day, I gave myself everything I wanted, which my ex argued year after year was a sell out and refused to take part in since he “showed me his love everyday” (I always fall for a man that makes me laugh). I ate a wonderful dinner, bought myself roses, put on sexy lingerie that I felt smoking hot in, lit some candles, sipped wine while cuddling up to watch a movie and munch on chocolate. No stress, no sadness, no secretly wishing a man had stepped up and swept me off my feet. It…. was…. FANTASTIC!  This year, for my 2nd single V-Day, I embraced the opportunity that a day like this presents… Celebrating the power of love by loving yourself, loving the people you care about, remembering the incredible love you’ve had in the past and smiling. I sent some nice text messages to past loves who crossed my mind, ate an entire (small) box of Godiva chocolates (of course), went to a great lunch with all my co-workers, hit the town to catch up with some friends and went to bed early thinking about how happy I am to be me – right here, right now.

Not everyone allows Valentine’s Day to be an organic expression of love though. It seems that many make it into a complicated puzzle that’s impossible to solve. I know men often feel like there’s so much pressure to perform, but ultimately, it’s just about showing someone they’re special and loved (and sorry but most people DON’T actually do that on a regular basis, so yea you should probably jump on the bandwagon and use this day to your advantage). Yes, most women want and would LOVE flowers…. even poor cheapskates can buy $7-12 flower bouquets at Trader Joe’s. Yes, most women want to connect in some way…. even if it’s just talking over dinner and being held tightly. Yes, all women and all people in general want to know that others care about them…. period. How you choose to express that doesn’t have to cost a fortune and doesn’t have to be a picture perfect romance scene out of a chick flick movie (although those options are welcome). Be creative, be yourself and never be afraid to say…

I LOVE YOU.

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8 Reasons Why You Haven’t Found Mr. Right

10 Feb

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As difficult as it is to find a decent man in Los Angeles, there are many things you can avoid doing in order to dodge the Mr. Wrongs. After years of failed relationships with some of this city’s most eligible bachelors I got to thinking… maybe I’m the problem. I mean, of course, it’s not my fault a lot of L.A. guys are self-absorbed jerks with commitment phobia but there must be SOMETHING I could be doing differently to get different results.

So here are several mistakes I was making that stood in my way of finding a good guy and I think most of you single girls will be able to relate.

1. You have impossible expectations. Mr. Right doesn’t mean Mr. Perfect. Mr. Perfect falls under the same category as Santa Claus and the Tooth Fairy— they’re all mythical creatures we wish our parents told us the truth about before the age of 7.

2. You keep dating the same guy– literally. Stop dating your ex-boyfriends. I understand that some break-ups were of special circumstances where “the timing was off” and “it’s more serious this time” but most relationships end for good reason. From my experiences, jumping back into the arms of my exes turned out to be a vicious cycle of breaking up to make up to break up again. Break-ups suck the first time around! Why do it all over again?

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3. You keep dating the same guy– figuratively. They say the definition of insanity is repeating the same steps and expecting a different result. Steer clear of guys who are exactly like your past boyfriends. History can and will repeat itself. For example, if you have a long history of dating married men who never leave their wives for you, stop being a home-wrecker! Or if you continuously date womanizing musicians who never fully commit, stop being a groupie. Get where I’m going with this?

4. You’re looking in all the wrong places. Don’t expect to find the man of your dreams up in the club makin’ it rain. Not to say good guys don’t get their party on but most young men who are still in the nightclub mindset on the weekends usually don’t have “serious girlfriends” on their priorities list.

5. You settle for Mr. Right Now. I found myself occasionally dating guys I knew I couldn’t see myself with in the long run but figured it could just be a fun fling. This mentality is perfectly fine if fun is what you are seeking but for the women ready for something real… remind yourself you aren’t just in it for FUN. If you think a healthy relationship is simply being able to smile through the good times, you are mistaken.

6. You ignore all the red flags. A couple months into a relationship you can more or less tell if your guy’s got some serious deal-breakers in his character! Listen to that gut feeling.

7. You’re guarded. I have a love/hate relationship with the saying “love like you’ve ever been hurt.” How can we just forget about all the awful break-ups we’ve been through? But more importantly, how can we ever have a healthy relationship holding on to that pain? Even though it is much easier said than done, letting go of your past and forgiving the guys that have wronged you is not only beneficial for a new relationship but it is so good for your mental health. Don’t assume all men are the same. The right guy will prove to you that letting down the proverbial walls you’ve built is the best thing you can do for yourself.

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8. You’ve given up hope. It’s understandable to just stop caring about finding a great guy because as far as you know, there are none in Los Angeles. I’m here to tell you there are really incredible men out there that are just hard to find. Remember that nothing in life worth having comes easily and you’ll appreciate Mr. Right that much more when he does come along—but you gotta have faith!

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