The Disappearing Act

17 Nov

In the past few weeks since I’ve started writing Live & Love in L.A. I’ve gotten so many girlfriends and guy friends reaching out to me about their dating dilemmas… and I love it! That’s the exact reason I started writing this blog! Men and women need somewhere to vent, a place to feel they’re not alone, and more importantly, a blog that can give you a good laugh about the crazy world of dating—and I’m so glad it’s serving that exact purpose. I wanted to create something light-hearted, candid, and easy to read because after all, it’s not that serious! Dating in Los Angeles is, more often than not, just a long funny movie… at least my dating life is.

photo credit: CarbonNYC via photopin cc

One dating topic that has been brought to my attention at least twice in the last couple weeks is guys going M.I.A. (missing in action– for all you newbies). My girlfriends date a guy—for let’s say, 2 to 4 months—and everything is going great! You’re spending a ton of time together, he tells you he’s totally falling for you, you’ve hung out with his friends, and one day… he just stops calling! You low-key freak out and text him but all you get is…. *crickets*….  Maybe you even go so far as to texting him a novel long angry rant about how he should just tell you if he’s over you! WHY?! WHAT THE F#!& HAPPENED?! EVERYTHING WAS FINE AND IT’S BEEN 3 DAYS SINCE HE’S CALLED!!!!

photo credit: zubrow via photopin cc

Ladies, this is what I like to call The Disappearing Act. Totally standard douchebag M.O. (mode of operation, come on people!) You can spend countless nights asking yourself why or bugging your girlfriends to death trying to make sense of it all OR you can get real and realize he’s just over it!

Here are several possibilities why your guy fell off the face of the earth:

-He’s seeing someone else

-He chose that someone else over you

-He’s freaked out feeling it’s getting “too serious”

-He’s in his young, party mindset and he’s too busy making it rain at the club with his fellow douchebag friends

-You’re not a big priority to him

-He lost interest because you gave it up too quickly

Notice I did NOT say:

-He lost his phone

-He lost your number

-He’s just super busy right now. Come on, he’s a doctor!

-He wants to play hard-to-get

-His dog died

-HE died

-His grandma is sick

-He’s going through a lot right now

Okay, I know this sounds a little harsh but it’s the truth. The truth your girlfriends are too afraid to tell you because they’re afraid of hurting your feelings. When men really want a woman, there’s virtually nothing that can come in between them and their chase. I often hear my girlfriends excusing this kind of behavior for him being “really busy right now” and “he’s going through so much”. All of these excuses could actually be legitimate but that doesn’t mean he has zero time in the day to shoot you a text and touch base with you. Nobody flips the script after weeks of blissful dating because they’re too busy. If a guy “goes ghost”, as my cousin Mariel says, it’s most likely because of you. NOT meaning you did something wrong, but it’s his feelings for you… or lack thereof. It’s part of a man’s primal blueprint to pursue you if he’s really interested in you. I’m not going to quote some weird Harvard study where I read that… I just know that shit is true. And you do, too.

Regardless of why he’s avoiding you, there’s really nothing you can do about it. A very important lesson I’ve learned from my crazy dating life is that when you’re in a relationship you cannot control anyone but yourself. We women waste so much energy trying to make sense of a situation we have no control over. We want an explanation and we want it right now!

So here it is. The explanation you’ve been waiting for. He is too immature and/or cowardly to meet face-to-face and properly break it off with you. He wants to avoid the confrontation of you being angry with him, crying to him or asking a million and one questions. A real man will communicate with you and a real man knows you are worth the explanation—simple as that.

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Now you’ve read this… it’s starting to sink in…. and you’re kinda depressed. It’s okay! Totally normal! I know I write this sounding like it’s a cake walk to move on but I don’t mean for it to sound like a no-brainer. Of course it’s hurtful to be dropped by someone you really liked even if it was a short whirlwind romance. But what other choice do you have but to move on? Like I’ve said in my past entry “Cry Me a River, Build Me a Bridge”, break-ups suck no matter how you slice it!

Do keep in mind that all break-ups are hard but the one kind of heartbreak that shouldn’t consume one more second of your life is when a guy pulls The Disappearing Act… If he’s not that creepy David Blane dude, disappearing is SO not cool.

photo credit: tmolini via photopin cc


One Response to “The Disappearing Act”

  1. Sonika March 11, 2013 at 3:18 am #

    Mine completely disappeared and we had no fight or argument. We were okay together but then i started to call him, text him, facebook message but he ignored me. I finally gave up after a week and then a month and half later, he called me and said “we need to talk” and I am thinking there’s nothing to talk about and why say that after a month and half later. I was so furious and angry that I did most of the talking. He called me and I should have let him talk but I couldn’t help it. He said I was crazy! What a douche. Then after that he started to call and text me so late. I think he was drunk..? but it became a pattern cause it did that every month after 1am. I never really knew why he pulled that act and he’s 30 yrs old by the way!
    P.S I am virgin and he knew that.

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