The Kiss of Death

20 Oct

 

Okay, so the title is a little dramatic but I thought this would be a great topic many single girls need to hear. As women, most of us are expressive, emotional and honest. Being open with our feelings is one of the great benefits we have over guys! BUT in the early stages of dating someone, these too-soon-taboos can definitely be major turn-offs to men. I know it sounds juvenile, but dating IS A GAME; at least in the beginning anyways. My best friend always tells me, “Joyce, I don’t feel like playing games… he should just like me for me.” And I agree! But no one’s saying, “don’t be yourself”. Just act with a bit of discretion. Too much too soon can turn anyone off, the good guys and the douchebags.

 
 
A few examples of WHAT NOT TO DO on a first date or you can kiss that relationship goodbye…
 
 
 
MEET MY FAMILY: I was just texting my good friend, Brandon (29-year-old handsome bachelor), asking how his date went last week.  His date, Jocelyn, is this energetic, friendly Britney Spears pre-crazy look-a-like that I met at the bar I work at. I set them up thinking it would be a match made in Heaven… and it was, until she dropped a few bombs. Not only did Jocelyn mention she really wants a boyfriend, but she also asked Brandon if he wanted to be her date to her sister’s wedding coming up… ON THEIR FIRST DATE! Most guys will instantly be scared off and see red flags if you ask them this on the first date. Us girls would think it’s “so cute” and immediately start mentally planning an outfit if a gorgeous guy asked us on a first date to be his “plus one” at a family function. Guys, on the other hand, freak out about having to meet mom and dad too soon and do not like being forced to think about a serious future with you before getting a chance to have some fun. Let his introduction to the family happen organically. You’ll know when it’s right. If you’re worrying what his response will be and if it might scare him off, it’s probably too early.
 

photo credit: pmorgan via photopin cc

 
T.M.I.: Too much information!!! Steer away from heavy subjects like views on marriage, children, politics and religion while on a first date. Sure, you eventually have to touch on these sensitive subjects to make sure you’re both on the same page and share the same values. But keep it light-hearted and to a minimum. There’s nothing that will have you feeling a foot-in-your-mouth moment more like telling someone you think their religious practices are so f’ing boring… oh wait, someone actually told me that!
 
 
 
SEX BEFORE MONOGAMY: As the love guru, Patti Stanger from Bravo’s Millionaire Matchmaker says, “no sex before monogamy” and I couldn’t agree more. Now, I know many of you are up and arms ready to tell me about how your brother’s girlfriend’s sister slept with her boyfriend on the first date and now they’re married with two kids and another on the way. Good for her; except she’s the very rare exception. My former Hooters co-worker, Melissa, called me before a first date with Mr. Perfect On Paper (CEO, a perfect dog, and a beautiful Christian-Grey-type loft) and we both jokingly rehearsed her mantra for the night ,“no-skin-to-skin!” That didn’t last too long. Needless to say, she showed up at my apartment a few nights later crying that he hadn’t called…. And he never did. Now don’t be a hater and say, “Well she worked at Hooters!” You’d be surprised how many of them met their husbands while serving them wings and beer. Point is, no matter how hot you are… Hooters girl or not (though there ARE some janky looking Hooters girls, can I get an Amen?)… being easy is not a good look.
 
— KEEP YOUR CLOTHES ON! Make them work for it. If you’re still being introduced as “my friend____”, you should probably keep your panties on.
 
— DO NOT, I repeat, do not have a first/second/third date at his house. Couches + booze + mood lighting= sexy time.
 
— Have a rule. NOT the 3-date rule, hoochie… more like a 3-month rule. I always live by ‘no sex before monogamy’. Keeping a promise to yourself is key. If you break it, you’re only hurting you.
 
 
 
Don’t be this guy…
 
If you’re reading this and thinking, What a double standard! Guys do it all the time and aren’t judged, then feel free to whore it up! Just remember, Mr. Right could be right under your nose.. no really, like he’s laying underneath you and thinking  how easy that was. After all, this blog isn’t for ALL girls… especially not the ones who are newly single, maybe a little bitter and “just want to go out and have fun”. It’s for the ones ready for something and someone real, like I was for so long. So when you’re waiting by the phone wondering why he’s not falling all over himself to call you, just think… you probably shouldn’t have had those last 3 Vodka Sodas and should have kept your Victoria’s Secret a secret!
 
 
I’d love to hear what YOU all think is another form of a “kiss of death”!
 
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2 Responses to “The Kiss of Death”

  1. Agnes December 28, 2012 at 8:54 am #

    I hope you write more regularly I really enjoy reading your project.

    • Joyce R. May 1, 2013 at 4:54 pm #

      Thanks, Agnes! I really appreciate your enthusiasm for my writing. I hope you continue to enjoy reading Live & Love in LA!

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