All That You Can Be

5 Oct

No, I am not trying to recruit you into the Army but the motto, “be all that you can be”, is the theme of this post. We went over in my first entry about how damn hard it is to find a decent guy in Los Angeles. You know, the kind of guy your dad would approve of or the kind of guy your mom has been trying to set you up with (minus him being your mom’s church friend’s socially awkward virgin son). Although, being the best you when Mr. Right comes along can make or break your chance with him.
While most women are so focused on what kind of man they want and how to find him, they often don’t think to take a step back and find themselves first. I know, I know, “finding yourself” just sounds so cliché but there really is something to it. Women these days have laundry lists of what they need in their ideal guy from ‘must love dogs’ to ‘funny and charming’ or ‘successful and ambitious’. I remember my mom once telling me to list all the things I want in a perfect man to always remind myself and one of my top requests was good dental hygiene since I’m an obsessive flosser LOL! –but really, what do YOU have to offer? Do you possess all these characteristics you are looking for in someone else? Before you expect to land a great guy, make sure you got it goin’ on first!

Let’s examine the 3 main characteristics all girls want in their ideal guy:

1. Good Looking: Here’s a no-brainer. Nobody wants to date some repulsive oompa loompa. We want a Ryan Gosling type with washboard abs and an insanely gorgeous smile. Although I hate to say this but let’s look in the mirror, ladies. This excerpt should be used in my later post called “What Your Girlfriends Aren’t Telling You”. If you are obsessing over how badly you eat or how much you need to go to the gym, then fix it. Stop the excuses. This does NOT mean get skinnier. Skinny does not = sexy. Just take steps to lead a more active life that makes you feel better and stronger from the inside. Let’s face it, we are all insecure. I can’t remember the last time I put on a bikini and liked what I saw 100%. If you have a six-pack and can’t relate then stop reading and go eat an In-N-Out double cheeseburger. Animal style, bitch.

I mean, maybe I was happy with my body back when I did Hooters swimsuit competitions and would almost pass out at the gym after taking Hydroxycut and other diet pills in the same day. But who wants to live like that? I was miserable and emotionally broken… not to mention, freakin’ hungry! However, there IS a happy medium. We’re not talking some disgusting water/lemon/cayenne pepper cleanse and hitting the weights 7 days a week, but eating sensibly and exercising at least 2 or 3 times a week. I truly don’t mean to sound shallow but we can all agree that the better you look, the happier you feel. The happier you feel, the more confident you are… and trust me, when you’re in a room full of girls, the confident ones shine a lot brighter.

2. Money:

“Now I ain’t sayin’ she a gold digger”… No, I’m kidding. I’m really not saying there’s anything wrong with wanting a successful man. In fact, seeking an accomplished, driven man is a great idea! But these powerful men don’t stick around for very long if you don’t have a lot to bring to the table as well. Yes, ladies, guys do actually want a girl with beauty AND brains. Maybe you don’t necessarily have to be making the kind of money they do, but you should definitely be well on the road to trying to get on their level… or even better, surpass it! When a guy is really looking to “put a ring on it” or at least put a girlfriend title on it, there’s no bigger turn-on than brains. It’s Los Angeles, pretty girls are everywhere, smart ones… not so much. So sure, you might be drop-dead gorgeous with killer legs but guess what? His mom, the most important gal in his life, isn’t impressed with your hot bod in the least bit. Be able to come over for dinner and wow her with what field you work in or you are studying, academic accomplishments and job promotions. Be able to contribute to your power couple status, not just being the trophy wife. Your guy should be your partner, not your sugar daddy.

Here’s a look at a text conversation with my girlfriend, Jazmin. I couldn’t be more proud of her statement about getting her life in order and prioritizing her goals before depending on any man to do things for her. More women need this mentality! You go, girl!

3. Smart & Independent: One of the biggest turn-ons about my boyfriend, Nathan, is how incredibly knowledgeable he is about almost everything under the sun. For the first time in my life, a boyfriend is the one teaching me smarty pants words. I’m usually the one rolling my eyes as the guys I used to date misused big words or wrote out ‘there’ when they meant ‘their’. In turn, Nate loves how goal-oriented, independent and what he calls ‘very smart’ I am. He even had the nerve to tell me when we first met he was so frustrated with his attraction to me because he “needed to date a 22 year old like he needed a hole in his head.” Did I mention he’s a little too honest?? In other words, that was the LAST thing he needed in his life. However, I was the exact opposite of what he expected of me; studying nursing, volunteering at the local hospital, bartending, co-owning a bar catering company at age 21, paying all my own bills, and being active in charities. Note: all of these things I was involved in that he admired about me were things I loved and had a true passion for. Do it for yourself and your own happiness before anyone or anything else. The fact that guys will adore this ambition is just an added bonus! Find your passions and pursue them.

This also kind of goes hand-in-hand with #2. With a M.A.C Cosmetics collection, anyone can be pretty but not everyone has the discipline and motivation to go to college. Education is intangible gold; something no one can ever take away from you. Studying hard and doing well in school usually leads to a great career which then gives you the ability to establish financial independence later on in life. Having your own cash flow is one of the most liberating feelings ever! Besides, don’t you want to buy that $1,400 Louis Vuitton handbag without having to ask permission first? Just kidding. Point is- no one should want to be dependent on any man. Bottom line: stay in school!

This could be you…

The list goes on but the moral of the story is that putting your goals before any man (or the search to find him) is a smart route to take. Furthermore, expecting more from a man than you expect of yourself is just plain foolish. Exceed your own expectations, establish yourself and that way, the right guy will have to prove himself worthy of you… not the other way around!






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2 Responses to “All That You Can Be”

  1. Chanel Hason October 5, 2012 at 5:16 pm #

    Once again Joyce- another great post! I can totally relate to everything- right now I’ve been single for over a year now and have been focusing on what truly makes me happy. I’m in great shape, I’m eating well, have awesome people in my life, and couldn’t be happier. One day I’ll bump into Mr. Right- but for now- I’m doing great walking on my own 🙂

    • Joyce R. November 4, 2012 at 7:01 am #

      Thanks, Chanel! You’ve been such a big supporter and an amazing friend since day one. I wouldn’t have had the courage to start the blog without ya! 🙂 I’m so proud of your independence and confidence, and I agree Mr. Right will come one day… Until then, you’re fabulous all on your own!

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